It’s five hours past midnight but my mind keeps drifting into the deepest corners of my thoughts, weighing situations that are yet to see the light of day. For now, that’s my only indication that I still could think.

My ears could barely muffle the uneven drops of water from our leaking faucet, my distance from it doesn’t do anything in the slightest. Maybe later, after waking up from a decent rest, I’ll be annoyed enough to finally have it fixed. For now, it’s my only indication that I still could hear.

The darkness, I’ve always been fond of the darkness. Unpredictable, mysterious, and ever so comforting. But the tiniest hint of sunrise permeating through my window disturbs it. But it’s all right, because that’s the only indication that I still could see.

My mom, she must be awake. I know because the addictive aroma of brewed coffee finds my nasal passages. I’ve never been a fan of coffee, but somehow, the smell enthralls me. And it brings a slight tinge joy because it indicates that I still could smell.

The cold, it bothers my skin. Usually by this time, it’s already warm. Not unforgivingly so, but just enough to know that summer time is coming. The twilight showers must’ve brought them in. And I should cherish it. Because a few days from now, I’ll miss the cold. I should cherish it, because it indicates that I still could feel.

In retrospect, the things that usually annoyed, hurt, and unhinged me were the catalysts that made me unique. My surroundings affect me in every way. And I’m glad to know that the universe loved me enough to make me notice the most trivial things, and get affected by it. I’m human.

Call It A Comeback

Erm… hello WordPress. Long time no see. It’s been what? 3, 6, countless months since I last posted? Pretty long time for a hiatus, no? Yep, that’s what I think as well. Hope you didn’t think I died or anything.

To be honest, I wasn’t planning on visiting you again. Blame it on the uneventful happenings; stagnant, exhausting schedule; and a tinge of unending laziness. The most thrilling part of my absence, I believe, was ditching college for a life of “Thank you for calling…” in the BPO industry, and that’s more of a shock. Well to most people at least.

My productive times are dedicated mostly to taking calls during the ungodly hours, dealing with customers who are self-absorbed, stupid, or in rare cases, both. It’s no wonder my circadian rhythm (and my sanity) is on the brink of collapse. And please, don’t start with my restdays because aside from sleep, I get next to nothing from it. I barely have time for myself. So yeah, writing was an impossibility.

But despite all that, I can’t just leave you easily, WordPress. You helped me sort things out in my most vulnerable times. You became my medium of venting out frustrations when everyone else feigned deaf. So even if we have not interacted in eons, I still appreciate you. I would’ve courted you, you know, but that would’ve been creepy as f*ck.

It took long before the writer in me has risen, and it’ll be a shame if I put it to sleep permanently. Plus, I can’t let boredom stagnate my passion for perfectly blended words and sweet nothings, though I’m still an amateur when it comes to creating them. So here I am, writing again for whatever it takes, hoping  the numbing solitude would be obliterated by the budding poet inside me.

Take me again, WordPress, okay?

TL;DR: I’m making a comeback.

Love is (NOT) sweeter the second time around

My friend was right, you’re not worth the attention I’ve given you the past few days. In fact, I’m starting to think you will never be. It was wrong on my part to assume that you’ll reciprocate my feelings the way you did ages ago. But how could I not when you told me you liked me, for the second time. Indeed, some things aren’t meant to be revived, our relationship included. To be honest, maybe I didn’t miss you per se, perhaps I just missed the bond and the togetherness we’ve shared during our heyday. That’s it. I mistook your affectations for something much greater, and because of that, I apologize to myself.

This post emanates insensitivity, I know. You may think you we’re put out as the villain who feigned to be the damsel in distress in a story I tried so hard to put a happy ending into. You were an intrinsic part of me, I know you know, but after all the things that has happened, I don’t think I can look at you the same way ever again. I guess I’ll end it here. Now, let’s not cross each other’s paths, deal?

A curve that sets everything straight

A curve that sets everything straight

The previous days have been nothing but a hellish roller coaster for me. All pent-up frustrations from unfinished school works, personal conflicts, and family matters are pushing my patience to the limit. Needless to say, things are not going as planned. All I can think of is spending a day or two out of town, take a breather as what others may say. Maybe, that’s what I really need right now. To be alone and focus on the positive instead of the negative. Perhaps that way, I could smile again the way I smiled on the attached photo. And who knows, everything might sort itself out on its own if I give it a little time and a smile.

A Look Inside a Cynic’s Mind

There are times when you can’t help but realize the selfish nature of people. One moment, they cling onto you as if you’re a god being worshiped, next thing you know, you’re left alone by the same people you thought were truest to you. It’s too late when you realize you were fooled by their empty words and insincere actions. What’s worse is they left you cold and vulnerable after breaking the invisible shell which protected your entirety. There’s nothing you can do but rebuild it piece by piece, with no assurance of it being as strong as it was before. All material things and favors you selflessly gave them had gone to the drain, along with the trust and love you unconditionally granted them. You know that no matter how you discount all the damage and hurt they’ve caused, forgiving them is as impossible as forgiving yourself from letting them become an intrinsic part of your life. And then you wonder… “Do I deserve such misery?” ┬áMaybe. Because somehow, when you think really hard about it, nothing like this would’ve happened had you only been meticulous with the people you deal with. If you only saw beyond others’ thoughts and gregarious gestures… everything would’ve been better – or at least, the same.

Friends…

Maybe I’m too keen of an observer, noticing things which others would consider trivial. Or perhaps, our friendship has gone to a point where we could tell each other’s underlying feelings through the gap between words and actions. Either way, I know something’s bothering you lately and yes, I may have a hint of what it is – though I’m too unsure to voice anything out. Recently, your blog posts have been somewhat emotional. I should know because, like what I’ve told you before, I patronize your blog. When I see you at school, it seems like there’s nothing wrong though I’m quite certain that you’re just putting up a front. Even if you never vocalize your current predicament, it doesn’t take professional sleuthing to know what’s going on. After all, we have established an affinity, along with four others. An affinity that has been tested (and fortified) both by time and conflicting schedules.

To cut everything short, I just want to say that whatever you’re going through at this moment will eventually pass. Time is the best healer, after all. Also, always remember that everything happens with a purpose. A purpose which my seem unclear at first but will provide you with something priceless and insurmountable in the long run. Lastly, never forget that you have friends who will stand by you through your most tiring and darkest times. Friends who will never doubt your worth and will pick you up at your worst. Friends who will make you feel complete, no matter how ridiculous and dysfunctional they may be.

Catch A Cold, Win A Flu, Fail The Exams

For the first time since God-knows-how-long, I’ve contracted the flu. It’s not generally bad per se, but when you consider some factors like the midterm examinations, you’d realize that universal conspiracy is really a thing. Needless to say, it takes bad timing to a whole, new level.

The past two nights were sleepless, due to the fact that my congested nostrils restricts the swift passage of sweet air. And even if I manage to grasp sleep, my throat-scarring cough would interrupt it, annoying me so much to the point where I can’t sleep anymore. If there’s one thing I hate aside from the insufferable hurting of my strained diaphragm, it’s waking up prematurely from a very brief slumber. What’s worse is I can do nothing but to pacify it with pills namely: decongestants, anti-cough, and paracetamol. Reviewing for the exam is difficult to begin with, but with a lingering flu, it’s deemed impossible. It’s quite a task to imbibe the lessons when your concentration is centered on something totally unrelated to what you’re trying to grasp. But tonight, I’ll reverse it by trying even harder. Hopefully, tomorrow’s scheduled overlapping examinations wouldn’t end up like the one I took last Tuesday where I tried my hardest to conceal the coughing just so the proctor wouldn’t insinuate that it’s a cheating tactic.

Wish me well and my exams too. :)

Xx

They say the be…

They say the beauty of life is its unpredictability. Change happens whether we expostulate; constantly reminding us that what we have right now is not confined to us by forever. Material things will eventually wear out; emotions will be vented out; and friends, even the most cherished ones, will forget your worth. Smiling, albeit somewhat helpful, will never compensate for the irrevocable damages. Time can only heal so much, after which, the scars will be eternal. Scars that none of us, wanted to have in the first place. Scars that resulted from just living an unpredictable life.