The previous days have been nothing but a hellish roller coaster for me. All pent-up frustrations from unfinished school works, personal conflicts, and family matters are pushing my patience to the limit. Needless to say, things are not going as planned. All I can think of is spending a day or two out of town, take a breather as what others may say. Maybe, that’s what I really need right now. To be alone and focus on the positive instead of the negative. Perhaps that way, I could smile again the way I smiled on the attached photo. And who knows, everything might sort itself out on its own if I give it a little time and a smile.
There are times when you can’t help but realize the selfish nature of people. One moment, they cling onto you as if you’re a god being worshiped, next thing you know, you’re left alone by the same people you thought were truest to you. It’s too late when you realize you were fooled by their empty words and insincere actions. What’s worse is they left you cold and vulnerable after breaking the invisible shell which protected your entirety. There’s nothing you can do but rebuild it piece by piece, with no assurance of it being as strong as it was before. All material things and favors you selflessly gave them had gone to the drain, along with the trust and love you unconditionally granted them. You know that no matter how you discount all the damage and hurt they’ve caused, forgiving them is as impossible as forgiving yourself from letting them become an intrinsic part of your life. And then you wonder… “Do I deserve such misery?” Maybe. Because somehow, when you think really hard about it, nothing like this would’ve happened had you only been meticulous with the people you deal with. If you only saw beyond others’ thoughts and gregarious gestures… everything would’ve been better – or at least, the same.
Maybe I’m too keen of an observer, noticing things which others would consider trivial. Or perhaps, our friendship has gone to a point where we could tell each other’s underlying feelings through the gap between words and actions. Either way, I know something’s bothering you lately and yes, I may have a hint of what it is – though I’m too unsure to voice anything out. Recently, your blog posts have been somewhat emotional. I should know because, like what I’ve told you before, I patronize your blog. When I see you at school, it seems like there’s nothing wrong though I’m quite certain that you’re just putting up a front. Even if you never vocalize your current predicament, it doesn’t take professional sleuthing to know what’s going on. After all, we have established an affinity, along with four others. An affinity that has been tested (and fortified) both by time and conflicting schedules.
To cut everything short, I just want to say that whatever you’re going through at this moment will eventually pass. Time is the best healer, after all. Also, always remember that everything happens with a purpose. A purpose which my seem unclear at first but will provide you with something priceless and insurmountable in the long run. Lastly, never forget that you have friends who will stand by you through your most tiring and darkest times. Friends who will never doubt your worth and will pick you up at your worst. Friends who will make you feel complete, no matter how ridiculous and dysfunctional they may be.
For the first time since God-knows-how-long, I’ve contracted the flu. It’s not generally bad per se, but when you consider some factors like the midterm examinations, you’d realize that universal conspiracy is really a thing. Needless to say, it takes bad timing to a whole, new level.
The past two nights were sleepless, due to the fact that my congested nostrils restricts the swift passage of sweet air. And even if I manage to grasp sleep, my throat-scarring cough would interrupt it, annoying me so much to the point where I can’t sleep anymore. If there’s one thing I hate aside from the insufferable hurting of my strained diaphragm, it’s waking up prematurely from a very brief slumber. What’s worse is I can do nothing but to pacify it with pills namely: decongestants, anti-cough, and paracetamol. Reviewing for the exam is difficult to begin with, but with a lingering flu, it’s deemed impossible. It’s quite a task to imbibe the lessons when your concentration is centered on something totally unrelated to what you’re trying to grasp. But tonight, I’ll reverse it by trying even harder. Hopefully, tomorrow’s scheduled overlapping examinations wouldn’t end up like the one I took last Tuesday where I tried my hardest to conceal the coughing just so the proctor wouldn’t insinuate that it’s a cheating tactic.
Wish me well and my exams too.
Dear friends, I’m currently in a state of mourning. My dog, Chappy, passed away earlier this day, 25th of December. It is very unfortunate to see her drift away on this special occasion which was supposed to be her first Christmas with us. My heart is filled with regret due to the fact that I wasn’t with Chappy up until her last breath. Although, she’s only been with us for six months, Chappy occupies a very substantial amount of space in our hearts. Rest assured that her memories will forever live in our minds.
Chappy, heaven is now an even wonderful place with you in it. We’ll see each other again eventually. I love you.
Nonetheless, I wish you all a joyous and festive Christmas.
With all honesty, I had doubts about blogging at this very hour. My body’s begging to retire but my brain’s refusing to call it a day. Ever since school started not two months ago, my circadian rhythm automatically hardwired everything to maximize sleeping time – possibly in order to make up for a very busy collegiate life. Obviously, tonight was an exception.
So here I am, writing at the dead of the night, with no concrete topic to formulate. My brain leaves me wondering at times, really. One moment, I was lying on my improvised tempur bed and all ideas waiting to be materialized come flashing. Next thing I realize, I had my word processor open and I’m unknowingly having a staring contest against my computer monitor. All ideas – most of which might be the answer for life’s greatest mysteries – suddenly vanish. Nothing is achieved aside from two, huge eye circles that exacerbates my facial insecurities.
I just want to have a peaceful slumber but instead, I forced my body – which is on the brink of collapsing from lack of rest – to grant my brain’s desire in an attempt to make a sleepless night productive.
Maybe, if I just forcibly close my eyes and wait for Mr. Sandman to do his stuff, then sleep won’t be as elusive as it was earlier. Sure do hope it works; otherwise I’ll be staying up all night unproductive.
Good night and good luck! Xx